My New Year's Resolution: No More Mr. Nice Guy

As we all know, the Global Jewish plutocracy, having made "the wealth of the century at the expense of the economies of the world," is preparing to put in motion 'war machines' in various hot spots around the globe "in order to control the price of oil, redistribute the world's natural resources and start a new cycle of weapons production."

Well, sorry (for all you Johnny Foreigners, "sorry" means "good morning" in Canadian), but that's not sufficiently ambitious. Here's the deal. We're taking this over, and here's how:

1. The systematic destruction and sublimation of all opposing our inevitable Canadian reign – and the polite, yet horrifically brutal, control of our future territories of conquest.

2. Infiltrating the USA and through a cleverly designed plan, destroying it, and using its resources for our own purposes.

3. Demonstrating to the world that Canada is the final and ultimate power.

4. Decontaminating the world of Non-Canadian influence. Reorganizing a New World Society of Canucks to suit our loving, kindly, peaceful and diabolical aims.

We'll be carrying this out with the help of our Mossad paymasters, of course, and we've already got the green light from the Ard Feis back in the Holy Land, where the example of the Glavin family's ancestral village should serve to reassure the world how happily painless this can be, so long as you play along: "The following morning they returned not to where they had left the night before but to the new distillery a few hundred yards away, from here they carried on their craft as if nothing had happened."

In the meantime, everyone remain calm.

All polite and submissive non-Canadians will be welcomed into our fold come our time of ultimate tyranny. Those who show automatic obedience to perceived authority, a fondness for a Tims double-double, and/or demonstrate a tendency for self-effacing introspection are especially assured of Canadian citizenship once our annexation begins.

Resistance is futile: