Give This Guy A Medal.

Warned that the high-strung townies of Washington, D.C. would be frightened by firecracker-type noises, Canadian embassy bigshots have decided to scotch a brilliant exercise in guerilla theatre devised by Canadian Lieutenant-Colonel (pronounced "leftenant," for my Yankee readers) Doug Martin.

You'd think we were finally getting around to implementing Buster Brown's Defence Scheme Number One or something.

Canadian Attack On Downtown D.C. Foiled: The Canadian military attaché wanted to set up a mock Afghan village in front of the Canadian embassy in downtown DC. There would be simulated IED blasts, armed soldiers, and Afghan actors faking critical wounds. And the blasts would first go off in the middle of the day, just in time for lunch. “I came up with it on my own,” Martin said.

No Mock Battle Scenes Allowed: "Canadians approach things a little bit differently than Americans, but the fact of the matter is the problems are the same and we can learn from each other to maybe make our work overseas more effective," Martin said. "We're a quieter country, but we're a fierce country, and when our soldiers are put into a position where they've got to fight, they don't lose."

It's not like we were going to burn down their dang White House or something: Once inside, the soldiers found the dining hall set for a dinner for 40 people. After eating all the food, they took souvenirs (e.g., one of the president's hats) and then set the building on fire.

A few bangs and they call it "a series of Hollywood-style pyrotechnic explosions."

Wussies.