Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Addendum To Rash Sentiments Expressed By A Persona

On Monday, I wrote a post here calling attention to the latest issue of Outdoor Canada magazine, which contains my very lengthy interrogation of the latest developments in conservation, science and salmon in the North Pacific. As it happens, this particular issue of Outdoor Canada also contains a tremendous volume of useful and supplementary information about fishing rods and bird guns and whatnot.

The last paragraph of that very lengthy blog post poked fun at certain unnamed people who sometimes write and say things I consider unserious and unintentionally funny, so I wrote this: "I could be wrong, of course, in which case I'd dispense with the ritual of offering a last cigarette and blindfold and go with Bailey's 'best bolt-action rifle' pick, Sako's 85 Bavarian. A handsome rifle, with walnut stock and a Schnaebel fore-end. The Bavarian offers a choice of six calibres."

For anyone and everyone who found that sentence to be unintentionally unfunny, a few points of necessary clarification.

1. I would have thought that straight away, nobody would think I am someone you would turn to for advice about bolt-action rifles, or any other kind of rifles. It turns out I was wrong. So, to be clear, I am not that sort of person. Wouldn't have a clue.

2. I also would have thought that nobody would seriously think that what was a fanciful little eruption from a persona who purports to counsel sensible choices in bolt-action rifles was actually, you know, me talking. It appears I may have been quite wrong about that, too. So, to be clear, I am not that sort of person, either. I am not that person.

3. Of more immediate concern, it appears I was also wrong to assume that nobody would seriously think that I was counseling or condoning violence against any unnamed person or persons that I may have had in mind, even obliquely, even in the most jocular and "high irony" sort of way. To be clear, it certainly was not my intention. Not even close. I would have thought it should go without saying, but to be clear, I'm not that sort of person, either. Not even close.

4. I am told that there are people who may have been legitimately and sincerely offended or perhaps even alarmed by their reading of that sentence, or their misreading of my intention, which was to poke fun. If this is true, I am very sorry to hear it. Indeed, my intention was to make fun of myself as much as anyone else. That is the sort of person I am.

5. I'm sorry if there are people who might still not get this, and who might remain unsatisfied by these points of clarification, but I sincerely and honestly don't know what else I could possibly say.

That is all.


Blogger Robert G. said...

Forward 5 Gs by ExpressPost and I'll drop the criminal case.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...


5:11 PM  
Blogger Mark, Ottawa said...

Perhaps if the Sako 85 Bavarian were used by UN secretariat-managed peacekeepers...More for St. Steven of the Staples to consider.


6:26 PM  
Blogger sylvia said...

I don't like boom-booms and refuse to own one because of an unfortunate incident in my youth, and I'm fortunate to live in a place where I don't need one for my everyday survival or protection, however, I did get the joke, Terry. No hard feelings. Some people are too earnest.

10:03 PM  
Blogger SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yeah, yeah, keep denying all and I am already starting doubting the statue of Kim Jong-il denial too. Almost sure by now you keep one of them Barrett rifles under your bed.

4:42 AM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...

Thanks, Sylvia!

And Snoopy: What have you been doing underneath my bed?

9:37 AM  
Blogger IceClass said...

As you've mentioned before Terry, we all have our strange ways.
One of mine is that my gear and in particular my guns should be as good and in as good a nick as possible.
Truth be told, I'm a lazy bastard at heart and I hunt in conditions that are murder on one's kit but I don't so much clean and maintain my rifles and shotgun for their own sakes but out of a sort of weird respect for my prey.
The reality is that by local standards, I'm a terrible bloody hunter who really shouldn't be trusted with a sharp knife but I've been blessed with opportunities to travel and hunt with the best and have heartily seized the opportunity to endanger crews and make an ass of myself from one end of the North to the other.
It should be clear by now that the joke went right over my slightly befuddled head but my point is that that Sako is a very fine tool; one I would aspire to own if they didn't cost so much. But I probably wouldn't buy one. For starters it's just bad form to show up with fancier and better tools than one's teachers, it would be akin to my poncing around in Polar Bear pants. I just simply ain't worthy.
I do however personally know a few dozen good folks for whom that Sako would mean more than a blowjob from Raquel Welch.
So, I'm left troubled that you would feel the need to make such a "clarification" after making your rifle reference. You wouldn't be one of "those" people would you?

11:51 AM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...

"I'm left troubled that you would feel the need to make such a "clarification" after making your rifle reference. . . "

Me too.

12:15 PM  
Blogger SnoopyTheGoon said...

"What have you been doing underneath my bed?"

Just checking the alertness of the inevitable under-the-bed Zionist, that's all.

3:53 AM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...

Snoopy: Yo should send one over to Toronto Star columnist Antonia Zerbisias' place.

"Forget the Marxists. I wish the marksmen would take @ MichelleMalkin . I'm thinking Dick Cheney. He's such a great shot."

- Antonia, on Twitter. She is wrong, of course. Dick Cheney is not a great shot.


4:58 PM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...

More wisdom of the sages:

"Perhaps Mr Glavin would like to experience having his head smashed in by a pick axe before he calls the seal hunt 'humane.'"

4:05 PM  
Blogger IceClass said...

Anyone still think the animnal protest industry is not a hate movement?

11:11 PM  
Blogger IceClass said...

FWIW, I've seen hunters kill a seal with a sharp blow to the skull with the ball of their hand.

Eat a few nutritious, organic and free-range seals and you'll realize how thin their skulls are.

A hakapik is just as humane as a bolt gun and like a toggle head harpoon almost guarantees no struck and lost.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...

" 'Shoot him,' one supporter among about 120 yelled in reference to Liberal Leader Gordon Campbell as Harry Lali, candidate in the new riding of Fraser-Nicola delivered a tough speech slamming the Liberal record."

And of course, everyone goes nuts.

9:42 AM  

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