Sunday, September 06, 2009

First, We Take Fargo, Then We Take Wichita: You Yanks Have Maybe Two Months Left.

I warned all you Americans last January. But did you listen? No. Well, now the clock is ticking faster. By the estimates of the Russian political scientist Igor Panarin, dean of the Russian Foreign Ministry's diplomacy academy, you've got until November. If you're lucky. Surrender peacefully and you will not be harmed.

As Professor Panarin has revealed, our Trotskyist fifth-columnists at the centres of American power, such as agent Rice and agent Cheney, have done their work well. Face it. Resistance is futile: "There are two groups in the US authorities. The first one may be called the globalists, or the Trotskyites. . .the key persons of the globalists are Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Vice President Dick Cheney." Then you made the mistake of electing Barack Obama. Some of your brighter intelligence analysts, such as Sean Hannity, saw it coming. But did you listen? No. Instead, you mocked him.

Do not panic. I am sure you will have many questions about what life will be like under Canadian dominion. You can find most of the answers here. One of the most common questions we get is, Why are you possibly compromising your plans by exposing them on the internet, like Kelly McParland did the other day? Answer: "We are drunk with power and consider ourselves invincible."

I'm often asked a rather impudent question, along the lines of, Why is this so personally important to you? The answer involves the Pig War, which resulted in the shameless and unforgivable annexation of the Southern Gulf Islands into the American empire, back in 1872. It started on July 15, 1859, when that dang Lyman Cutler shot one of our pigs. I've been bitter about it ever since.

It's why I'm not going to settle for annexing the American-occupied territory as forecast by the map that dang Russian Panarin has gone and published. Our Trotskyist comrades south of the border have done more damage than anyone knows. We're going for the whole thing:


Blogger brian platt said...

"Cooler heads prevailed because British Rear Admiral Robert L. Baynes decided that neither a pig nor a tiny island was worth going to war"...

What a fool that Baynes was.

3:09 PM  
Blogger Patrick Ross said...

Jesus, Terry. Can't we let them keep New Jersey?

1:44 AM  
Blogger Terry Glavin said...

Not even, Patrick.

No soup for you!

11:06 AM  
Blogger SnoopyTheGoon said...

We are OK with the plan, Terry, just don't forget that the monthly quota for maple syrup and for moose meat will be increased accordingly.

A new quota for Californian wine would be considered as well, but first we have to decide what to do with it.

Yeah, and you may extend your health care system to the Yanks, it will learn them.

You also want to consider the end to distilling that Canadian Club poison, in view of getting your hands on bourbon and rye production now.

Memo to self: check whether moose meat is kosher. If not, wash mouth with soap several times.

6:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so why are we stuck with the New York, the center of the Democrats whinging fringe ?

Let's give it the Euros or even better the World. The UN has to be somewhere and Turtle Bay is as good as Lagos or Athens.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Mark, Ottawa said...

If only we could get the Duchy of Laredo.


1:02 PM  
Blogger Kurt Langmann said...

Ah'm kinda partial to Nwey Joisey Goils...

12:40 AM  
Blogger Baheera said...

I stumbled across your map and I had to laugh. I often get into it with an American friend about the war of 1812. I always tell him that our troops were done burning Washington and decided to have a few beers but upon tasting the American beer they said "screw this we're going home." Yes the Americans didn't lose the war the Canadians just saw no point in taking over a country that can’t make a decent beer.

9:54 PM  

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